Conquer your fears to conquer your life!
I managed to get to the YMCA by 5:10 am. I was excited and motivated, but left discouraged and sad. I was so excited about this process that I forgot the main reasons why I haven’t been to the gym in so long – I am terrified of the gym! I know it’s an irrational fear. Yet, I have come to realize that it’s a valid fear for many people, especially those that are overweight. I have always felt like I was being judged at the gym. I know that is where I should be, but always imagined people thinking, “Wow she’s fat. This obviously isn’t working for her.” So, I would quit because I imagined what people were thinking when honestly they probably didn’t realize I was in the room.
Another reason I am afraid of the gym is because it is foreign to me. I don’t know how to workout. This morning I started my cardio and everything was going ok until I got to weight conditioning. I printed out my ActivTrax exercises and headed to the weight room and BAM! – The fear and anxiety slapped me across the face. In theory, it seemed simple to look at my sheet and check off each exercise, but I wasn’t sure which equipment to use or how to use it. I ended up doing 5 of the 12 exercises and threw in the towel. I was too embarrassed to ask for help and frustrated that I didn’t know how to do it. I consider myself to be fairly intelligent and thought this shouldn’t be so hard. I got to work and told a friend about my discouraging experience and she smiled. She said, “You know this is the devil at work using your fears and emotions to discourage you and prevent you from succeeding.” That was a huge “aha” moment for me because she was exactly right. The devil always strikes when you try to better yourself as a Christian warrior. So, instead of focusing on the things I didn’t do this morning, I decided to give myself a pat on the back for the things I did do. This may not have been the most successful attempt to working out, but it was an attempt. It was far more than I have done for myself in a long time. My friend works out regularly, so she reviewed my workouts and gave me some pointers on what to do. Now, I am better armed with the knowledge of what I need to do tomorrow to get better. I don’t have to understand everything today; I just need to be willing to ask questions and work to get better. This journey is about learning new things and better understanding myself so that I don’t repeat the same mistakes in the future.
So, step by step I will conquer my fear of the gym to be a better mom, wife and most importantly a better Christian warrior for my King. Yes, there will be more struggles and disappointments, but “I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13
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