Pushing Through the Muck

Last night was really hard on me. I really really really wanted fast food. I wanted to snack on the chips or mini cheeseballs in our house, I wanted to sneak a mcdouble when I went out to grab my wife’s dinner. It got so bad that I really just wanted to quit. I certainly didn’t want to go workout this morning, or continue with this dumb health journey. I was telling myself I’ll just moderate my eating better, but I can still just eat pizza, chips, soda etc as long as I just eat less of it. I went to bad extremely unhappy.

I’m happy to say I did not give in. I ate my regular, healthy dinner. I did not sneak any food.

This morning I woke up with a new vigor. It took a little time but once I was in the car on my way to the Y I was excited to workout again. All my craving were gone. I was ready to do this again.

I don’t really know why I want to eat till I feel sick. I’m sure part of it is a nervous/anxious tick as I have always been an emotional eater. It might also stem from my early early development. Until the age of 2, when I was adopted, I lived in a orphanage in Honduras. I don’t remember anything about it, but I’ve been told I ate dirt at one time and goodness knows Honduras is not a rich country. I know the first time my parents came down from Ohio to meet me, when I was 1 they took me to Pizza Hut, so that might explain my over-dependence on wanting pizza to fix any problem in my life.

It’s crazy how things from so long ago mold and shape the person we become. How tiny little aspects can determine entire character traits.

Anyways, I have lived a very blessed life, and I think now is a great time to learn how to rely on God, family and friends when life gets stressful, and not food.

Had a great workout this morning and even spent some time in the sauna to relax my muscles.

I know last night was my fault. I’ve fed myself junk for years and years and years and my food wants/cravings won’t change in one week, but I am getting better. I just need to stay focused and keep movin forward.

Categories: uncategorized

3 replies »

  1. Gus, pretty soon, as long as you stay on track, those foods will taste terrible to you. It is hard to believe now, but it will happen, I promise. Because of Rick’s cancer, we have had to drastically change the way we eat. The thought of eating McDonalds food makes us sick. I don’t even buy Oreos any more, or potato chips, or soda, or pizzas. There is a whole package of chocolate chip cookies unopened in the pantry that has been there for a month. We don’t crave these foods any more. Just be patient and stick with it. You are in my prayers. I know you can do it!
    Philippians 4:13

  2. This journey is not an easy one, I am so proud of you! I’ve given in a couple of times this week, even staying within my calorie and macros goals, but still giving in. Like you, I have some serious food issues from my early childhood. Your post gave me the courage to write about them. I’m not sure if I’ll share here, or my personal blog, but thank you for sharing your heart. Lifting you, and all of us on this journey, before the Lord.

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