week 3 day 2

Today I did my walk run for week 3. I added on an extra run because day 1’s workout did not even get me to 2 miles. I am tired physically, but I can tell the extra movement is so good for me mentally. This week, I saw a woman who has discipled me.It was so good to express my sadness and grief over my life and to be reminded who I can turn all my pain to. I so often can believe the lie that God is the orchestrator of my pain. In God is light. There is no darkness in him. He cares for my pain and He loves me. He watched his own son die and suffer. He knows what it feels for me to watch my own son in pain. It feels like a million years ago when I was telling about his flare up. I am going to get to leave with my husband for the weekend. So excited. I still don’t have my eating under control. I think I have to be honest with my self. There will be no good time to watch what I eat. My sister joined weight watchers and I am so proud of her. I have had a lot of success with that program too but our finances are so tight. My check engine light is on. I won’t get paid again until March 15 th because of the way I worked this past month. That kind of stress can make me want to feed my fear and my tummy. My friend Pat reminded me that my hope has to be in Him and what He has already done. I cannot say I will find peace if …and …. That leads to idolatry in my life and a great deal of despair. Nothing but Jesus can hold me up. I am hoping to be running again when this is all over. It’s been a long time. It’s hard for me to even think I can do it. But, I do not want to be characterized by can’t. I want to be know for He did in me.

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