Hitting the Wall

…This is what the Lord says: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast number, for the battle is not yours, but God’s.” – 2 Chronicles 20:15b

This verse brought me some much needed peace.  I have cried a lot today; by myself, by accident in front of my son, to a dear friend, a sniffle to my husband.  It has been a long rough week.  I was doing great on exercise and huge mentally and spiritually connected, and really staying on point nutritionally.  Then last weekend my schedule was not my own and I couldn’t go to the gym as I was on other people’s time and lost control of my food (but did what I could – brought snacks, had back up plans, and pushed through).  I exercised where and when I could.  I was staying in the game!  But then I crashed Monday and Tuesday – physically, mentally, spiritually, just all out crash.  I don’t know if I was physically sick with a virus or just literally did not have an ounce left in the tank.  So I slept…long and hard!  That helped by Wednesday I was pumped and back in the game – I did my interview and I worked out hard at the gym.  And when you put in that much effort at the gym you want to eat healthy!

But today!  I hit the wall again going what must have felt 100 mph because the crash hasn’t been pretty.  I ate fast food and I haven’t in months.  It didn’t taste the same and it certainly wasn’t a treat.  I didn’t really work out – a little walk for sanity but not really a workout.  I get grumpy and I certainly don’t feel those happy endorphins.  I have felt just out of control as I try to grasp straws of getting my responsibilities in check.  The problem is when you have a lot of “balls” to juggle that when you drop one it usually means the others will quickly drop as well.

So, I am checking in to say today was not a good day.  But the good news is today isn’t my only day.  I was off my game but have a chance to regroup and restart and reconnect.  I’m tired which means I need to pull my life back into balance.  It’s great to get physically healthier but not at the cost of EVERYTHING else.  Balance is important.  And I was trying to do everything according to Suzy’s plan and Suzy’s control.  Balance is a lot easier to attain and maintain when God is the captain.  So I confess to all of you – today I hit a wall full blast.  Today was not my best but I would rather have a small temporary crash, brush off the dirt and get back at it.  Then to get off track and STAY off track by not sharing I could use extra prayers. My usual choice would be to not open up but instead I’m saying yeah I do need extra help.  I have been very lucky and blessed with support and being able to stay focused.  But today I had some vision loss but really like this scripture I stumbled on:

…This is what the Lord says: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast number, for the battle is not yours, but God’s.” – 2 Chronicles 20:15b

I lose my way when I think this “health battle” is mine and mine alone to fight.

Dear Lord,

Help me/us remember that we are never alone.  That we serve an Almighty God who loves us wherever we are.  I am confessing that I tried to do this on my own.  But my life is not my own but one I choose to use as your servant.  Help us remember that as an individual we have little strength but together with You all things are possible.  Let me serve You and Your children. If it be Your Will please help us grow stronger in faith, in choices,  and in our bodies as we prepare and treat them as Your Temples.  In Your Precious and Holy Name. Amen!