So last Saturday we showed up and had a surprise to me weigh in. I will be totally honest, I have not nor will I be weighing myself. I had only lost 4 pounds. I was a bit disappointed. I am not sure what I expected. I know that exercise alone cannnot make up for a crappy diet. Not that I would call my diet (food intake) completely crappy. I have been planning my meals and snacks now for almost 3 weeks. I have been making myself salads every week and prepping snacks- fruit, etc..So, I thought I would have dropped more than that. But, I know that tracking can make all the difference. I just am not there yet. See I have a secret. I can tend to be all in or all out. I just don’t want to be so far in by the time this over that I fall off the wagon and end up worse than I already am. I don;t want this to be an excuse.
In fact, I am really struggling with knowing what to do next. I am grappling with how much of my food issues are really a spiritual problem. I can be so hard on myself. And I know that I can often look to food or a host of other things when I am bored or sad or upset. I would say it’s not Oh I am mad let’s get ice cream. It;s more subtle than that. It’s I am exhausted. I don’t even know how to think about food right now. Or I am so upset. Can we just eat out. Oh the Dr has no clue how to help you. I’ll grab a pizza so I can sit on the couch and mourn. It’s as if my emotions steal all my fight. I can lose weight and I have. It’s the keeping it off that kills me. How do I not let my anxiety about finances and my depression steal my joy. I know that the Bible says the thief comes to steal kill and destroy. But I have come to give you life and to the full. I want to live that joy. I want to live that abundant life. I am not sure what that looks like and how to live that. My food journey has to be bigger than measuring out my food and writing it in a book. I want it to be representative of my hope in a risen Savior and Christ in me. I want to lean on him harder than maybe I ever have.