Wow!

“Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.” – Proverbs 12 : 25

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Sooooo…..RBL 2017 has came to a close.  The 5K has been ran, winners announced, and *Sigh*.  I type this a bit teary-eyed.  I already miss the camaraderie and team spirit.  I suffer from anxiety.  Not sure if it is a result or the cause of my weight.  I’ve always been a “big girl”. (I even had a doctor say that as an adult with a funny gruff voice and like football shoulder shrug gesture – can we say that was mortifying?)  And because of the anxiety I tend to worry and fret about strange issues as well as everyday phenomenon. For instance I held myself hostage and lived like a hermit for years in hope of avoiding any awkward references to my weight.  I felt that was easier for everyone.  Sad, right?  But true.  There was a point at my heaviest ( which was approximately 12 years ago and about 120 lbs heavier) that eating out was not only shameful but nerve-wracking – Will a chair hold?  Will I be able to slide into the booth?  Will other people judge my food choice?   I would smile on the outside but what a pit would grow in my stomach every single time I saw wicker furniture!    I told you some of my worries weren’t common (unless you too have anxiety and been there weight wise!)  I felt I had to apologize in my actions, manner, and demeanor every time I entered the room for just the way I looked on the outside.  And by the end of the day that would cause me to run to the grocery store or fast food and stuff down my feelings of inadequacy by gobbling as many calories as I could – to the point of being uncomfortable or feeling sick or both and then eat just a little more.  Awful!  So every once in a while I would get the courage to conquer something  out of my comfort zone and lose a little weight or try to be a little more active.  I started a blog in 2009 titled HealthFULL Journey and I am reclaiming that title.  The FULL is to focus on the FULL health (yes the physical but there is so much to a person and when all areas are improving true health can be claimed from the spiritual to the mental to the emotional to the financial and YES the social/relationship side as well!).  Also FULL stands for Feeling Unbelievable & Loving Life.  So if you are curious to see how Rob’s Big Loser 2017 has encouraged me to not just get healthy in 12 weeks but truly inspired me to reclaim Psalm 139: 14 :

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well. – Psalm 139: 14

You can find me on Facebook as HealthFULL Journey and also follow my blog.  Do you know what the best part of RBL was? Everything!  But if it was to be specific – the encouragement followed by the accountability.  We were provided three bright blue shirts (with a neon measuring tape image on the front )to wear working out.  Let me tell you these shirts are noticed.  It was great to find teammates but it also meant the other gym goers noticed.  And do you know what that thought did for my anxiety – raise it THROUGH THE ROOF!!!  It went against everything I try to avoid – standing out in the gym advertising I’m trying to get healthy – these are one of the times blending into the walls like a wallflower would be ideal!  But do you know what the response was to this action? Smiles, thumbs up, encouraging words, and questions about how I was doing – from STRANGERS!  From people I have envied my whole life (gorgeous, fit, healthy, abled – bodies) were asking me how I was doing ….at the gym?   No sneers, no insults, but encouragement from every which way I could imagine.  In these last few days I have had several people say how happy they are for me, how proud, and how they too have been following this amazing journey.  I truly was humbled, shocked, and caught off guard.  The anxiety has a way of creating a self focus and pushing away others resulting in the awareness level being toned down.

The team aspect of sharing with others who too want to get healthy for various reasons.  It’s an intimate, vulnerable walk to declare to the world I want to get healthier.  Which for many means burning calories through activity and eating healthier in hopes of eating calories that will be the most beneficial fuel.  But it also usually means fighting some inner demons, releasing some powerful emotions, and being open to change.  Oh the dreaded word of change!  But it is awfully hard to get different results if you aren’t willing to change yourself, your actions, or your choices.  That’s where the real work is!  And because of the awesome supporters of RBL and through Rob’s Big Losers we were able to receive such amazing help from Personal Trainers, Team Coaches, Inspirational Leadership, Supportive Staff, Great Teammates, and Phenomenal Supporters/Cheerleaders through our family, friends, HIS Radio Listeners, and the everyday Stranger: those words, those prayers, those financial gifts, those stories told and shared on this blog, were a much needed and welcomed balm to a very weary soul.  Thank you to all you have participated – whether known or unknown.  You helped change many lives! (It only takes a spark 😉 )

So what’s next.  My HealthFULL Journey continues and that I promise to share about it both in person and online. I am starting a FB accountability group as a daily check in to share healthy success as I got my water in, a workout in, and made great nutritional choices.  It is also a place to say today was a struggle but with a little encouragement I am going to conquer tomorrow better.  And hopefully, my anxiety will continue to shrink as I continue to grow in my relationship with Jesus and seek friendship amongst God’s Children.  God Bless and one last big heartfelt THANK YOU!!!!!!

Categories: Suzy Sullivan

1 reply »

  1. Suzy, you have a true gift in the way you express yourself through writing. I love this blog! You expressed so much that I wanted to say but can not say it as well as you. Keep up the good work writing and with your journey spiritually and physically. You are amazing!

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