FINALLY! First workout.

As I said before, no workouts this week.  None until today, that is.  My goodness, what a mess I am.  A complete, total mess.  I used to work out.  I used to go to a trainer.  I used to be strong.  I’m weak now.  It’s an hour and a half since the workout and my pulse is still high.  Not as high as it was, mind you, but higher than normal resting.  I am completely embarrassed.  I can’t believe that I have let myself become such a mess.

For anyone reading this that hasn’t struggled like this, it’s scary.  I am almost afraid that the work is too great.  The feeling that I have right now, the weakness, the burning, the throbbing; it will all pass soon.  Eventually I will work through this and find some semblance of health.  Until I reach that day, though, I am forced to face the mess that I have become.

I have not honored God with my life.  I use food as a drug.  Happy times?  Eat. Sad times?  Eat.  Scared? Eat.  Anxious?  Angry?  Lonely?  Eat.  Food will make it all better.  I allowed food to become my god.  What have I done?

I made a mess of me
I wanna get back the rest of me
I’ve made a mess of me
I wanna spend the rest of my life alive

-Switchfoot