Discouraged

So, I know that this is not how our posts should probably sound, but I am discouraged. I have not seen a pound lost since I started lifting. I had lost 50 pounds before starting this program and now nothing. Up 2 pounds down 2 pounds. It’s kind of funny cause I know all the reasons my weight may not be moving. And I should be ok with that. But, I don’t know how to be. I’m moving more. I’m getting in 6 cardio a week and 4 active traxs a week.  I actually wonder if I am not eating enough. I have heard that said to people before and thought how can that be. But, I think it may be true for me. I see other things that are not showing up on the scale. Stronger in my runs. More energy at the end of the day. Things I can;t put a measuring tape around. But, this journey has felt very lonely. And that can be true of a lot of journeys. We have a lot of stress in our home. I haven’t shared much of it here not for fear but where to start. My son Evan will by all accounts have to have a bone marrow transplant in the next year and just thinking about it makes me scared to death. It will likely have to take place in Philly and he and I will have to live there for a few months. And I am terrified. Over and over I have seen God’s mighty hand on Evan’s life. His ability to transform situations I thought were helpless. And yesterday as I thought about my own frustration with the scale, I remembered the verse about taking my thoughts captive.

2 Corinthians 10: 5 “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

Every thought. The ones that say good job. The ones that say don’t bother. Right now I feel at a loss for how to proceed. I don’t see any progress and I know my own spiritual walk has felt like this before and yet, I am convinced that my life is in His hands. My progress is somehow what he does and what I do. It’s not a one or the other- it’s both. Today I want to live in the truth of Romans 8:1 and really believe what God says is true. “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” No none not at all.

So tomorrow I will get up do my walk run go lift and take my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ. One battle at a time.