All of this “running” and not a single zombie or dinosaur in sight. What gives?
I am over these last two weeks. They have really been difficult for me. I struggled with making good choices and with being lazy. I’m starting to really believe that this is more than just a physical battle. It really seems to be a bit of a spiritual battle as well. Temptations abound. I came home to Pizza Thursday. I knew I was coming home to Pizza. I had to take my daughter to softball practice, so I tried to stay away until just before we had to leave. I came in with 5 minutes to spare. Guess what I did? I hate Pizza. A lot of it. Pizza is top 3. Pizza is one of those foods that I just can’t eat some of. I have to eat all of it. See that capital “P”? That’s right. It’s not just pizza, it is Pizza, the proper noun. Tonight I was out doing softball stuff. On the drive home I was thinking about getting on that stinking treadmill and “running”. Guess what? I came home to Pizza. Guess what I did? WRONG. I got on the treadmill. I “ran”. I sweated. I hated my unhealthy body and punished it. I did not eat Pizza. I left Pizza sitting on the counter where it can die. Tonight, Man won.
The week started poorly and continued on. I made a few less-than-great decisions with food, but I still did pretty well. I didn’t blow it up or anything, but it still wasn’t what I completely should have done. I lose weight again this week, but I didn’t get much work in at all.
It’s hard to find time to get these exercises in. By the time my day is “free” it’s 8:30 – 9:00 at night. I’m going to spend some time this weekend working on a schedule that I can follow this week. This next week will be good!
To my fellow RBLers, keep up the hard work! If you can’t find time to exercise as much as you want, you CAN at least make good choices at meals. You can do this!
This week has been tough. I’ve been sore, I’ve been pressed for time and haven’t had many opportunities to exercise. Food choices have been pretty good this week, though they haven’t been perfect. I want to write more, but tonight I just am not feeling it. I’ll try and write more tomorrow.
I guess I was a little overzealous in my return to the gym Friday. My arms, chest, and shoulders are paying for it now, two days later. Yesterday I decided that I’d be a base “runner” at my daughter’s softball practice. Last night I started getting pretty sore in my ankles and knees. Today I just wanted to stay in bed.
The thoughts of defeat sure do creep in. “Can I do this? Is it worth it?” Of course it is worth it! God didn’t put those feelings inside of us. That’s Satan, prowling like a lion, looking for someone to devour. This may not be true for everyone, but for me this is a spiritual battle as much as it is a physical battle. I’ll not quit. Jesus has already given me the power to overcome this. Jesus has given me the strength.
Swimming in February. Yep. I went to the gym today to only sit in the hot tub. I’m so sore that I can hardly move, remember? Anyway, yes, I was relaxing in the warm, bubbling waters, attempting to allow my muscles a chance to recover and relax. As I was sitting there, this lap pool kept taunting me. I wanted to relax. The lap pool said that I couldn’t make 10 laps. It said that I couldn’t make 5 laps. Heck, it thought I couldn’t do a single lap. I can’t take that though, you know? As much as I wanted to stay in the inviting waters of the hot tub, I climbed out and into the ice water of the lap pool. For those of you that don’t know, lap pools aren’t warmed. Heck, they aren’t even room temperature. These pools are set at about 1/2 a degree above freezing. After overcoming the shock to my system that those frigid waters induced, I started swimming. One lap down. Rest for a moment. One lap back. Rest. One lap down. Brief rest and then go back. Around the end of lap 3 my right hammy decided to cramp. It sure would have been easy to quit right then. One part of me really wanted to. There was this other part that started to show up though. This part that urged me to keep moving. My leg hurt, my arms were sore, my lungs were burning. I kept going.
Did you know that you can sweat while you are in a cold swimming pool? You can actually feel the sweat coming off of your body WHILE you are in the water. I didn’t know that you could actually sweat in the water. I didn’t think it was possible. I thought that surely there was some sort of scientific law that applied here. I was wrong.
As I said before, no workouts this week. None until today, that is. My goodness, what a mess I am. A complete, total mess. I used to work out. I used to go to a trainer. I used to be strong. I’m weak now. It’s an hour and a half since the workout and my pulse is still high. Not as high as it was, mind you, but higher than normal resting. I am completely embarrassed. I can’t believe that I have let myself become such a mess.
For anyone reading this that hasn’t struggled like this, it’s scary. I am almost afraid that the work is too great. The feeling that I have right now, the weakness, the burning, the throbbing; it will all pass soon. Eventually I will work through this and find some semblance of health. Until I reach that day, though, I am forced to face the mess that I have become.
I have not honored God with my life. I use food as a drug. Happy times? Eat. Sad times? Eat. Scared? Eat. Anxious? Angry? Lonely? Eat. Food will make it all better. I allowed food to become my god. What have I done?
I made a mess of me
I wanna get back the rest of me
I’ve made a mess of me
I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
I’ve made a mess of me
I wanna reverse this tragedy
I’ve made a mess of me
I wanna spend the rest of my live alive
The rest of my life alive
What a week it has been so far. I don’t know if that should be read with excitement or defeat. My eating has been good. It’s been great to meet with the at-home group and to also share our journey together on Facebook. It seems that every time I try to exercise something comes up. I am so frustrated that I haven’t been able to do much more than I regularly do this week. I did get a new gym membership, but haven’t started there yet.
It’s not been too difficult to stick with my plan for eating healthy. I did slip the other night and had some ice cream, but that’s all. The next night I woke up craving ice cream, but after a few minutes of fighting with myself, I went back to bed. Small wins are still wins, right?