Reflections

Sometimes looking back over the years, I find myself asking, what could I have done differently? How have I allowed myself to get so big and out of shape? I’ve had a lot of negativity in my life about my looks. When someone you care about tells you things like ,”a woman your size shouldn’t wear khaki pants they just make you look bigger.” Or, “I really don’t know why you think that dress looks good on you because you can see every roll you have.” Or when you are actually on a roll in life, have lost weight and look great and someone in your life literally steals your black chiffon dress from your closet and takes it to Goodwill. Now granted this I did not know about until a year later. And when I confronted this person (all this is a very close family member who I adore deeply but she over steps her boundaries way too much…obviously) and she tells me she didn’t think someone my size needed to wear such a dress. Like how am I supposed to feel about all this?! Or when someone tells you over and over again “I’m not worried about your size I just want you to be healthy.” Like that is the ultimate way of saying you need to lose weight. These are just some of the things I have had to deal with my entire life. One would think that now at almost 40 years old I don’t have to hear such things but that isn’t the case. I know there is a person in the lives of my children who makes fun of my size in front of them. Sometimes my kids tell me and sometimes they don’t. It hurts to be honest deep down but, I also know the person this is coming from has had a very hurtful past and just feels the need to be hurtful to others to cover their own hurt. I guess after hearing all these statements thru the years, at some point you start to believe them. Believe the way others see you is just how it really is. I have to say this journey thus far has allowed me to deal with this deep down sadness I tucked away. Has helped me deal with feeling like I’m just going to be a bigger person for the rest of my life. I guess I got to where I am because I believed all these things. But taking this step, feeling the difference in my body, seeing the difference in my body, it has allowed me to step back and see me the way God sees me. Not the way others see me. This world and its opinions have nothing for me. It is who I am in Christ Jesus that matters. Only His opinion matters. I try to tell my children the way God sees you is all that matters. To not listen to this world with their sexy models and half dressed people on magazines. What matters is your walk with Christ. Your daily relationship with The Father. It pains me knowing my children have been bullied. One continues to deal with that from time to time. It hurts that other people have spoken badly about me in front of them. But all of these things, all of the suffering will just make me heavenly body one day that much more glorious. I can do ALL things thru Christ who gives me strength. This has been something I have had to lean on and reflect on and trust. Learning to know who I am in Him has been one of the most amazing parts of this journey thus far. 8 know I will keep pushing and striving for healthy living even after this is over.

Here we go again…

Ok….after sickness and a crazy last week and a half I am going to get back in the gym today. I have to. I feel a little better. I was actually down another pound after what I thought was a depressi g week full of sick ess and not really paying attention to what I was eating. But hey I will take it!! I have really learned to rely more on God thru this journey and He always sustains me. His unfailing love just leaves me speechless y’all! Have a good week to everyone and God bless!

What a week….

It has been a stressful week. Haven’t worked out but once! Now I’m coming down with something. I slept all night from the time I got home from work until about 7am this morning. I feel like I’ve taken 5 steps forward and now 15 steps back. I’m frustrated! I’m sad! I don’t feel well. Just disappointed in myself. I hate being sick. I don’t have time to be sick! But hey, it could be so much worse. Gotta suck it up butter cup and get back on the horse. I guess those reading this are like ok lady…need some cheese to go with your WHINE? 🧀🍷Pulling myself together. God has brought me this far…He won’t leave me, ever!!! #rantover

Busy week…

This week has me thrown off a little. We have some close friends from out of town visiting and we are trying to spend as much time with them as we can because we only get to see them once a year. It doesn’t feel right for me to go workout while they are here. We miss them and their daughter throughout the year so this time is precious. My son, Tyler, has been chosen to play in his first set of golf matches for the JV team this week. At least I get my cardio by walking 9 holes 2 nights this week! It’s just gping to be a slow week and I am praying for no major setbacks. My knee and shoulder held me down last weekend and they finally aren’t hurting anymore. I am doing small workouts while at the office and home. Using 10lb free weights for some moves, an work, and cardio. I would love to record these things but my app isn’t working. Just a crazy weekend that lead into a crazy busy week trying to juggle it all. Hope everyone else is having a good week and good workouts. Will be back on top of things by the weekend!!

I am going bananas!!!!

Ok so I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this but, I have no cravings for what I call crap food anymore. Like I don’t want to go through a drive thru. I don’t want anything sweet. Instead I have been literally craving things I thought I would never crave before. The biggest thing is…bananas. I have a serious loathing for bananas and anything flavored like it. For whatever reason last week my body was like “Hey, let’s eat a banana and peanut butter sammich!!” I’m thinking to myself, “Um, why? And, NO.” So I then proceed to make myself the said B-n-PB sammich and loved every bite. I have since consumed about 4 bananas over the last week and a half. What is going on here?! Like…I don’t even eat banana pudding and I am southern!!! I also have texture issues and the thought of the texture of a banana freaks me out. You just have to understand how big this is for me. Hahahaha. Just wanted to share how my body is changing in other ways too. Less cravings for bad stuff more cravings for the good.

No pain…no gain, right??

So the last couple days, everything on me has hurt. Ok let’s be honest the last couple of WEEKS. I have been doing 1 hour cardio dance classes a couple times a week along with my other work outs. I am hoping it is just my lazy muscles pulling it together and that I am have not torn or pulled something. My left knee is still giving me a little pain but the last few days it has been my shoulder. Took the last couple of days off to rest. Hoping my body will not freak out when I pick things back up on Sunday. Trying to push through but when Tylenol/Alieve doesn’t help the pain…I have to wonder. Asking the Lord to heal my pain and help me keep pushing through.

Mirror mirror….

It is amazing what getting off my tush to workout and eat better can do for a body. I wanted to get a side by side of me before I became an RBL and where I am now. I see myself in the mirror daily and yes I have discussed seeing changes but this….this was like whaaaaa?!?!

This gives me more motivation to give this body back to God and make it healthier. I give Him all the glory bc without him I could not do it.

Thank you God for this amazing opportunity and accountability group. Have a great week y’all!!!

Blue shirt is today, March 14th, 2018. Green shirt is a week before kickoff.

Easy, yummy, and painful…?

So I had an amazing workout today. Cardio Dance Blast for an hour then my strength training. Felt amazing afterwards still do.

Came home and had a great post workout meal. Chicken (boneless, skinless) in the crockpot with Wishbone Fat Free Italian dressing. Cook for about 6 hrs or until done. After the chicken was done and I removed it from the crock. I had a bag of cooked shrimp in the fridge and I just dumped the shrimp into the dressing/sauce in the crockpot to let them heat up. In the meantime I took a bag of Bird’s Eye steam in a bag Steakhouse green beans and threw them in the microwave. (So yummy and on sale until Tuesday, March 13th at BiLo.) It was simple and delicious. Kids and hubby approved!

After eating I laid down to talk with my husband who works 3rd shift and wound up falling asleep . When I woke up after my little cat nap and went to get up, my left knee was hurting pretty badly. I was hobbling and it felt like I couldn’t put a lot of weight on it. The more I moved around the less it hurt but it is still feeling a little weird. I obviously pulled something out of whack in there. So, now I am sitting here with an ice pack on my knee to help decrease pain. I don’t notice any real swelling around the knee. Praying it is just that I moved it wrong and will get better. I didn’t lock my knees when doing any of my moves today! Leslie Knox warned me about locking them during certain exercises

If you try the chicken, I hope you enjoy it as much as my family did. If you hurt yourself while exercising, may the ice packs be with you!

Everyone be safe working out and don’t over do it!! Have a great week!!