Let my journey be …

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me;
my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me
—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.
~ Acts 20:24

I have been thinking about this journey, how I feel like I have struggled with one obstacle after another. I’ve looked at those obstacles from a selfish perspective, as though I am the only one that matters in this journey towards a healthy body.

While reading my Bible this morning, this verse really stood out to me. See, this journey is not really about me. I’ve said from the beginning, this journey is so that I can better fulfill God’s call for my life. However, as the obstacles have popped up, I have reacted selfishly.

This verse helped me refocus on the TRUTH. The only task that the Lord Jesus has given me is to testify, spread the Gospel. And, so, like I said in my post last night, even this stubborn injury will be used for his glory!

I am often heard saying, God’s got this, too! And, he has this injury, and this whole journey, too. As long as I let him have them.

My prayer:

Heavenly Father, I am surrendering this injury and all that has gone with it to you. My call is to spread the Gospel, and Father, I want nothing more than to do that. I ask you, Father, to use every piece of this for your glory, allow others to see YOU in me. Let my journey be a testimony of your love, grace, and mercy.  In Jesus’ name, Amen

Just A Crack In The Sidewalk

I’m still my off of my leg, and still in a good bit of pain. My MRI date was moved up, but don’t see the doctor until the 30th.

Being completely honest, this is really hard for me. When my precious daughter asked me, 2 years ago, to start running with her, my life changed. I went from a very sedentary lifestyle to a very active lifestyle. I love being active, running or hiking outdoors where I feel so close to God.

I’ve completely changed my answers on the information sheet at the doctor’s office…

How often do you exercise? How many minutes total per week?
2 years ago, I would lie, 3-4 days a week, 90-120 minutes a week.
For the last 2+ years, I have been able to tell the truth, 7 days a week, 300-400 minutes a week.

Even on the days that I don’t run, I walked. When I started RBL, I added in other types of cardio, too. I had gone from barely walking 1 mile to 8.5 miles of run/walk intervals on my long days, 4-5 miles for my short days.

So, yes, this is making me stir crazy!

So, since I’m only getting somewhere around 1000 steps and no active minutes a day on my Fitbit, I have to take charge other places. I’ve started doing some crunches and leg lifts, as well as continuing to count calories. I’m still not losing weight, and in fact, I’m up 2 pounds. I keep reminding myself, this is a marathon. I have already lost so much, and made so many changes – This is a crack in the sidewalk, not the Grand Canyon.

God is still working with me on surrendering all of those proverbial plates, specifically: Fear … Still getting to me, but not as much. I’m learning more and more to focus on God’s promises, and less on the fear and worry that often grip me.
Control … Realizing that even this journey is not mine to control. While I have a HUGE part in the success of my journey to a healthier life, even this is in God’s control. He has a purpose for this frustrating injury, and it will certainly be used for his glory!

Here’s hoping that I’m released to at least walk before the end of RBL, so that I can end it with my group doing the 5K at one of my favorite places, my church!

 

 

 

It’s My Party

It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to …. lifeinaboot

I have had my pity party, I’ve cried, pouted, and fussed. It’s time now, though, for me to pull my big girl britches up and get over myself! I was reminded last night, this is also a part of my journey. This doesn’t mean it’s the end of my journey, it’s an opportunity for me to learn something, to reflect on what God is saying to me, and then come back stronger.

The stress fracture had no healing in 2 weeks, between the 1st and 2nd sets of x-rays. My tibia has a long crack on the inside, and the orthopedist is not happy with the fact that it doesn’t seem to be healing. She put me in a boot, put me strictly crutches. She took away my ability to do anything – no driving, except when absolutely necessary; no weight on my leg; nothing…

My 10 yo even said, “She can still swim, do upper body, and lift weights, right?” She said, “Let’s get this pain under control and see what the MRI shows, first. Then we will talk getting back to exercising.”

Honestly, it still hurts worse than it did when I first went in. It still doesn’t seem to be healing, if I had to judge by the amount of pain that I have.

All of that said, though, I can’t wallow in this. I still have to pull my big girl britches up and move forward. I’ve not been making the best food choices, not the worst, but certainly not the best. Having the inability to do a lot of exercising, I need to be more vigilant about nutrition.

Oh, but you know what? One of the things I prayed for, as part of Rob’s Big Losers, was that I would really increase my upper body strength. Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it! HA! My arms and hands are sore from using these crutches, I hope my sore muscles are a sign of them becoming more defined and less flabby! LOL Look at the bright side, right?

 

 

Still down and out …

I thought I’d be walking better a week after my kick in the shins. Instead, I’m still down and out …

Monday, I thought I’d be swift, and so I was doing some housework. I knew I wasn’t really supposed to be on my leg, but come on … what Mama can sit still? And, have you ever noticed that when you sit down, there are 418 things staring at you, just begging you to do them?

I got up and started cleaning the army men out from under the tv cabinet. As I stood up with a hand full of tiny green soldiers, I twisted, and sharp pains shot through my leg. I hobbled to the kitchen, gave Samoo his AWOL soldiers, and I started wiping down cabinets. As I turned to put something in the fridge, I realized this pain was not getting any better. I sat on the couch most of the day Tuesday and Wednesday, but still not any better.

I talked to the ladies at the orthopedist’s office and they said….. FOLLOW DOCTOR’S ORDERS! Use the crutches – No ifs, ands, or buts – elevate it, and stay off of it completely until I see my orthopedist on Monday.

This is really frustrating for me, but I know there is a bigger plan ahead of this. I don’t know what, but I do know that God’s plan for my success is bigger than the enemy’s plan for me to fail. So, I will see my trainer tomorrow for some upper body stuff, stay off of my leg a few more days, and see the doctor on Monday.

A Kick In The Shins

Life gave me a kick in the shins last week, and it hurts!

Wednesday I went for a run on the SRT, went to the Y to do my resistance training, and then ran on the treadmill. While on the treadmill, I felt a weird pain in my right shin. This was much different than shin splints, which I’ve had in the past. I kept running, because it was weird, but not unbearable. But …

By bedtime that night, my leg was really throbbing. I ignored it, but ended up having to take ibuprofen to sleep. The same was true for Thursday, and again Thursday night. I finally went to the walk-in orthopedic clinic Friday afternoon, and the doctor came in, with a look on her face. I could tell by the look that this was not the nothing I was hoping for. She pressed a bit, I winced and nearly jumped off the table, and she pointed to the xray. She showed me a nice long crack in my bone, and a bit of a shadow where it had started to heal. Apparently, I had done this before Wednesday, but I damaged it a bit more during that run on the treadmill. (See, everything can be traced back to the fault of a treadmill. Outside running is SO much better! HAHA)

So, that kick in my shins came with a cost … No running for 4-6 weeks, no walking for 2-4 weeks (In fact, I’m technically supposed to be on crutches, but I have not been compliant with that request. I’m too slow on crutches and have too much to do!), I am not allowed to run my half marathon on April 2 (she told me to consider October, or even December??).

I am allowed to swim, other water classes that are no-impact on that leg, bike – only in the gym and as long as I take it easy, and upper body exercises. Thankfully, my trainer at Caine-Halter YMCA is working on an acceptable training plan to help me get back in the gym this week.

I see my doctor again next week, and hopefully we’ll see some healing so I can run again sooner, rather than later. 🙂

 

Beyond Frustrated

I am beyond frustrated! I am to the point of wanting to just cry! Something is going on with my body, and has been for a year…

I have been stuck in about a 10lb window since I had my ovaries removed a year ago. I go up, I go down, but I stay in that 10lb window. I’ve talked to several people about this window, and no one seems to know what’s causing the issue.

My PCP told me I was too fat and old to be running, and that I eat an unhealthy diet. Except, he clearly hasn’t looked at my food and exercise diary that I’ve given him, nor has he listened to a word I’ve said.

My rheumatologist said he really doesn’t know, but that he thinks inflammation could possibly have something to do with it. He suggested I keep working at it, and we would discuss a medicine for that at my next appointment.

A fitness/nutrition coach told me to be sure to eat 6 small meals and get enough calories. However, even when I’m doing that, I’m not losing. I was also told to start cross training, stop depending only on my running and hiking. I needed to be working out in other ways.

So, this morning, I got back on the scales and I’m up again… In that same window, I’m up…again!

Recap – I’m exercising 7 days a week. I’m burning an average of 900-1000 calories with exercise 6 of those days each week, I’m eating a healthy diet, I’m sleeping an average of 7-8 hours a night, and … nothing.

I’m exhausted, my routine is out of whack, my attitude is kind of crappy, and I’m beyond discouraged. It really stinks to be working this hard and not see any change for a year.

Pardon me while I go eat a celery stick, drink another bottle of water, and cry.

 

Fat vs. Muscle

Before RBL, we bought one of those fancy “smart scales” from Amazon. It was one of the lower-mid priced ones, just because we wanted to be sure that if it wasn’t accurate, that we would not have spent a fortune on a fad.

Other than the first couple of days, I hadn’t paid a lot of attention to the different body composition measurements that it offers. This morning, I stepped on the scale and I was up 0.8 pounds. I know muscle weighs more than fat (insert an eyeroll and an audible blah blah blah here, because as a fat person, I get tired of hearing that). I also know that my body water percentage should be going up significantly.

A bit discouraged, I thought I would go back and look at the different components just to see what the differences were. According to my scales, the differences since the day of my initial assessment on 1/29/17 are …

Weight: -5.0lb
Body Water: +0.8%
Body Fat: -0.8%
Bone: +0.2lb
BMI: -0.9%
Visceral Fat: -1 (this is the belly fat that is also around the internal organs like the liver)
Muscle Mass: -0.8lb

Remember, though, that I was up from yesterday? My muscle mass from yesterday was up by 0.4lb, my water % was up 0.2%, and my body fat was down 0.2%. So, the fat is going down, and that makes me happy. These numbers probably don’t mean a lot to most people, but I am intrigued as I watch them change.

Oh, and my BMI is slowly coming down, as well! I’m still morbidly obese, but it’s moving in the right direction. That’s what counts, right?

 

 

No Winter Jam, No Noodles!

We didn’t make Winter Jam tonight. If you know me, you know how much I was looking forward to it. My man, David Crowder, was headlining. He’s my favorite, one of his songs answered one of  those cries, God, I need to feel you move or hear your voice RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

It wasn’t meant to be this time, though. I’m completely ok, truly at peace. When we got there, the arena was already covered by thousands of people. There was parking left, but we weren’t convinced we would be granted entry, so we decided to do something else as a family. And, we enjoyed each other, which was the whole point of the evening, right?

In my last post, I said that I wasn’t hurting, tired, but not sore…

Well, since I wanted to be sure to do it right, I decided to do both Hydro-Tone and Aqua Zumba classes this morning. I figured the first class was going to give me a good workout (and boy howdy, it did just that), but I also enjoyed the Aqua Zumba class last week, and wanted to enjoy that fun again.

Let me tell you, those water classes are deceptive! You do the class, and you think, I feel my muscles working, but this isn’t too bad. After the class, you walk out of the pool, change clothes, and think your body is just fatigued. Yep, I did that, but within an hour, it was a whole different story! We drove to Anderson, and when I stepped onto the sidewalk, I nearly didn’t step! HA! Then, after the kids’ class, I wasn’t sure I would be able to walk out of the building! It was probably a comical sight for others. LOL

My legs aren’t tired noodles anymore…now they are hurting! I managed to surpass my step goal today, but they feel the trainer session, run, and 2 water classes in a matter of 15 hours.

 

 

I hate noodles!

I hate noodles! They always make my gut hurt! No, really, my body doesn’t like pasta! Today, though, I’m talking about a different kind of noodles….

Yesterday, I hate my first training session with Chelsi. She was pushing me, but I’m thinking maybe I didn’t give it all. My arms and legs felt like noodles last night. I’m not as sore as I was afraid I would be, but I think I brought the weights home with me. This morning my arms and legs feel heavy. Turning over in bed last night felt like it had to be calculated before I did it. Again, not sore, just heavy… It’s weird.

That said, I got a great workout. I did dips off of the weight bench, and I didn’t even bust my behind! WOOT! (For the record, I did bust my behind when I did my first wall squat with a stability ball… In the hallway, for Chad and another YMCA employee, and all the world to see. The ball went up, my behind went down. HA!) It’s all good, I’m ok with being someone else’s comic relief!

I’m heading to Hydro-tone and Aqua Zumba this morning. Then, tonight is Winter Jam! Woohoo!!! I can hardly wait to see Crowder in concert. His music has been an answer to one of those desperate calls to feel God that I talked about in my Transformation Part 1 and Transformation Part 2 posts.

Have a great weekend!

Transformation Part 2

That night was one of the most difficult I’d ever had. Exhaustion, heartache, begging God to just reach down and fix it all…

He didn’t fix it. Instead, he scooped me up in his mighty arms, he spoke clearly to me, and in that intimate moment with my Father, my transformation began.

Immediately, I learned that God loves me so much more than I could love food. I learned that He truly cares, more than I could fathom, God loves me.

The days never got easier, but my ability to get through them changed. I no longer depended on myself to get through them, my Father was there, listening, loving me. So many more times over the years, I have called on Him, begging him to let me feel him. And, he has come through every time – in a phone call from a nurse I’d never met saying, “I felt led to call and pray with you”, in text messages saying that we had been prayed for, and more.

As my faith has grown, as God has transformed my mind, and soul, he has also transformed my body. Of course, I still lean towards food at times. I’m human. However, when I am truly leaning into our gracious and merciful God, I don’t feel the urges to lean towards food. When I am truly leaning into our loving and mighty Father, I am drawn even closer to him, and I desire to be in the places where he is. My soul yearns to spend time with him, and I find that time in nature and the transforming of my body.

My physical transformation is a part of God’s pleasing and perfect will, because by having a healthier body, I am not only physically prepared, but also emotionally and mentally prepared to carry out God’s purpose for my life.

My transformation started that intimate, precious moment  6 or so years ago, when God spoke directly to me, and continues with the blessing of each new day. In the last 6 years, I have lost some weight, gained some weight, lost some more weight. My weight and health will probably always be a battle, but with God, it’s not one I have to fight alone.

As this transformation continues, I have learned that I enjoy life. It is easier to face those devastatingly difficult days when I am enjoying this life that God has given me! Our family hikes for many miles at a time, I run (albeit slow, short sprints), play with my kids, and soak up the natural beauty that God has created for our benefits and pleasure.

How different do I look today, compared to that picture circa Fall 2004? Take a look… This is me, no makeup, just finished moving appliances to clean under them, washed walls, a good, deep clean. Something else I could never do before my transformation began – I was neither physically, nor mentally able to tackle a task of that sort. It was overwhelming.

2-15-17mom

This transformation is far from over, but with our Gracious, Heavenly Father, each day brings new possibilities. It brings new mercies, it brings God’s love for each difficult step. The steps on earth will be difficult, but there is so much peace in those steps!

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble.
But take heart! I have overcome the world.
John 16:33

God loves you, too. He wants to have those intimate moments with you. God wants you to love him, spend time with him, and lean into him. He is our loving, gracious Father. He loves you in a perfect way, you are perfect in his eyes. If you are living in the dark times, but want to learn more about this Heavenly Father who loves you, please reach out – email me (lenaherrington@luvmycrzylife.com), call a pastor, talk directly to God. Just invite God, right now, to walk these times with you. He loves you!